Thursday, September 4, 2014

Boys Talk

I miss you, but not because you're gone, but because I know if you were here it wouldn't be the same. I opened the door and offered to show you around, but you couldn't stay... you had work in fifteen. 


You aren't allowed to be in love in high school. So it wasn't love. Sometimes though, I wonder if it would have been, if it wasn't high school. 


Do you ever regret having a fancy job? Ever think about leaving and coming home... I mean mentally coming home. I mean, "How was your day and don't tell me good".  I mean no football or baseball or 
hey you're in charge thanks bye.  
I mean, want to go to dinner and not just talk about the food and the neighbors. I keep reminding you that we only have a year, but you keep reminding me how many people are at the table and how their fortune is more important than mine. 



Tall.Dark.Handsome
Behind the church. 
It's not even bad.
Okay.
It tasted like candy.
He lied. 
There was no tree house only rocks and dirt.
But even after I had washed off all the dirt and the blood from my lip I still didn't feel clean.
I learned the next day that there are no double dates in Salt Lake because "What if something happens?".   
I let my apathetic soul take control. 

And when I came back I looked more at people's eyes, wondering if they could see the change I feel.

6 comments:

  1. The heart beat. A new experience. At first I thought this was about one thing and then it ended up being about something else and then back to the first but it's like they made sense together. Gosh that heartbeat is still playing as I write this and it feels like my heart is going to stop when the recording does. What are you doing to me?

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  2. Holy. This was insane. And I loved every word.

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  3. i keep reminding you that i only have a year. an actual conversation between my dad and i last night not kidding

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  4. I don't understand this.

    And I mean that in a good way. Sometimes my favorite stuff I don't get. (Usually I hate the stuff I don't get.)

    Anyway. I read this yesterday and it floored me. I put it in the top 5. Then I read it again (with the YouTube Heartbeat playing...I didn't have that playing yesterday), and it floored me again.

    This is seriously a mess. Again, in a good way.

    "I learned the next day that there are no double dates in Salt Lake because "What if something happens?". "

    And then that part where you looked at people's eyes more.

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  5. "when I came back I looked more at people's eyes, wondering if they could see the change I feel."
    I know what you mean..

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